When You're A Sensitive Soul Living In A World That Hurts Too Much

I’m a sensitive soul

living,

in an insensitive world.

A world that hurts,

too much.

A world that denies love.
And encourages fear.
Even
of.
love.

A world not built for me.
But needs me.

I’m a sensitive soul;
I hurt for the hurting.
I bleed for the wounded.
I cry for the sad.
I feel for the numb.

I’m a sensitive soul;
I show up for the delinquent.
I stand brave for the scared.
I remain open for the closed.
I give for those who take.

I’m a sensitive soul;
I find solitude comforting.
Too much world time,
can destroy me,
and almost did.

It’s a battlefield,
I’m the target,
who’s not
always
armed well.
I’m a sensitive soul;
I speak up,
speak out,
lend my voice,
my heart,
my strength.

I’m a sensitive soul;
I know when you are lying,
to me,
to yourself.
I know things I cannot explain.
I feel.
It’s who I am.
Connected to pretty much,
everything.

I’m a sensitive soul;
I see and know
too much sometimes.
The pain and suffering,
not always mine.
I feel pain,
like I feel love,
deeply.
An empath,
they tell me.
I’m a sensitive soul;
Who’s often
misunderstood,
dismissed
confused
depressed
feeling anxiety.

It’s not easy living in a world
you don’t fit in.

I’m a sensitive soul;
Tried to medicate,
dim,
numb,
anything to fit in.
But we cannot.

We were never meant to.

We are different.

Why?

To prepare us

For we are sensitive souls;
Born into a world we don’t fit in.
Fighting,
to create a new one.

~ Krissy VanAlstine

Tapping it out (02222017)

My emotions was quiet in a rut for the past few months. Something that I haven't experienced for a long while. I got drained spiritually and my emotion started eating me up. It was one hell of an emotional parkour! And for someone who has always been afraid of heights ~ I felt like I was on the edge of a very tall building ready to jump off.

I am still recovering. Taking one day at a time. I'm taking my moment to heal.

I realized that I was giving so much of myself to people that I forgot to leave some for my needs. Don't get me wrong, I love comforting and being there for people but my emphatic self has its cons. I believe I was built to be a listener and simply assure people that everything will eventually be okay. I find joy in encouraging them and lifting their spirit up. I have always known my boundaries. I know when to brush things off and leave things that is beyond my control. But lately, I haven't been able to do that. I felt so consumed that I can't even bear updating myself with the news because it was too much for me.

I would have to commend myself for being a good judge of character. I can get along well with most people but I am so careful in choosing who I allow to see the "real me". To see beyond the facade I usually keep. To see what's behind the masks I wear. And when I allow someone in, I bare my soul - no reservations. Because once I let someone in they become "my people". He or she becomes "my person". And that's one of my biggest fears ~ to let someone in and see the vulnerable me and then turn their back on it because it's not what they are looking for. I fear being unappreciated by "my people". I fear the loss.

Unfortunately, not everyone would treat you as theirs and I have to be okay with that. I have to accept that this world would fail me and hurt me. But when I overcome what it throws at me I become a better person. I get to learn a lesson.

Fear is the worst thing that could eat you up. Fear of the unknown, fear of darkness, fear of failing yourself. Fear of losing someone you thought you'll never lose. All these are inevitable ~ I have already established that. But I tend to forget. I tend to be in denial.

I was trying to think back if I was ever hurt this way before. That feeling that I can't breath properly and all I could do is cry, even cry myself to sleep! But when I wake up the pain is still there ~ an open wound that keeps on throbbing. I was hurting and hurting so bad that I lost my anchor, which is my faith. I felt so unloved. I felt like I lost my light. Everyday was a struggle. Everyday I drag myself to function for the heck of it.

But the God that I believe in never left me. He showed me how loved I am. How great is His love for me. That He can remove me away from the mess I created for myself. I thought that being in church was enough. I forgot that what my God offered me was not a religion but a personal relationship with Him. I forgot my privilege as a daughter of the most high. I forgot that my focus should be Him and not whatever this world offers me. I forgot that my purpose is to glorify Him in everything that I do.

So I went back and spent time with Him. I went back to my true refuge and fortress. I spent time praying and simply crying my heart out to Him. Cause He alone truly cares. He knows the deepest corners of my heart. He made me realize that my cup got empty and I need refilling that He alone can provide. I was reminded that in order for me to abound with love for people I need to get filled first with His love. I need to be continually filled in order for me to overflow.

I am getting my light back. I am getting a hold of my emotions. I wanted closure if God would allow it. But for now, knowing that I am so much loved and valued by my Abba is enough for me. He dug me out of the rut I buried myself into. He didn't see a schmuck but a precious daughter who foolishly lost her way. God alone can fill this big hole inside my heart. He is enough for me.

I could say that by His grace I am already out of the dark tunnel. Light is already shining down on me. But I haven't really stepped far away from the tunnel. I can still go back in if I want to. So I continue to pray and spend time with him. Because as much as he chose me I choose Him over everything.

Promise Yourself

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

― Christian D. Larson, Your Forces and How to Use Them