Thank You Rania!

To the ones who are tired of apologizing for their sensitivity.
The ones who have to say sorry for overreacting or getting emotional.
The ones who push people away because they care too much about them.
The ones who get hurt when someone looks the other way, when someone ignores their messages, when someone doesn't smile back.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry you live in a world that doesn't understand you.
I'm sorry that you live in a world that doesn't realize how much it needs you, because you give people hope and you remind people that it's okay to be real, soft and vulnerable.
You remind people that it's ok to be a non-perfect human being.
To the ones who are tired of apologizing for their vulnerability.
The ones who show too much too soon.
The ones who can't help but tell people how much they love them and what they're willing to do for them.
The ones who believe that people can change, that people can heal, that people just need the right kind of love to be the best versions of themselves.
Don't let the world change you.
Don't let heartbreak make you guarded.
Keep loving.
Keep giving.
Keep saying what you want to say because life is too short to keep important words unsaid.
I still don't have the answers.
I still don't know why people like you are suffering.
I still don't understand how your kindness and your authenticity is working against you but I know that a lot of people are watching you.
I know that a lot of people secretly want to be you.
I know that the people who criticize you also admire you.
I know that you're an inspiration to those around you.
And maybe the world is too hard on you because you're someone people look up to and they want to know that you'll keep on fighting.
They want to know that you'll keep on trying, you'll keep on building your own life and carving your own path because that's what makes you special.
That's what makes you extraordinary.
Your ability to live when everything around you is killing you.

- Rania Naim

Madali Lang Naman

Madali lang naman akong palitan
Sino ba naman ako, diba?
Bigla mo na lamang binitawan
Ni hindi man lang ako naghinala

Madali lang naman akong palitan
Sa akin ay wala namang espesyal
Disisyon kong ikaw ay lapitan
Habang umuusal ng taimtim na dasal

Naniwala ako sa mga sinabi mo
Umasang lahat yun ay totoo
Sino nga ba naman ako, diba?
Wala ~ ngayon ay baliwala.

Akala ko iba ka
Akala ko di ka tulad nila
Nagkamali pala ako
Iniwan mo din ako sa dulo

Akala ko iba ka
Na sayo pwede akong maging masaya
Nagkamali nga ako
Kasi mas masakit ang dala mo

Iniisip ko pa din ano ang nagawa
Para sa akin ay bigla kang kumawala
Naiwan ako na puno ng tanong
Di pa alam paano susulong

Ano nga ba ang ginawa?
Bakit bigla kang nawala?
Baka nga madali akong palitan
Huwag na lang natin ipagpilitan

UNTITLED

You pushed me to fall
To drown from all the thoughts
My world suddenly turned small
A cage, that's what you brought

What have I done?
What have you done?
I was free
Until you imprisoned me

Tormented by a past
Piercing eyes created fear
What spell did you cast?
Who I was, disappeared

I cannot breathe
Your presence suffocates me
I cannot breathe
And I needed to flee

~ February 2017

UNTITLED

I screamed
But no words came out
Burning in rage
Yet all composed

This mind wants to get even
But the heart says otherwise
Forgive, absolve, stop
It repeatedly cries

Everything feels broken inside
Pieces on the floor that I can't pick up
Shard glass that can still woe me
As I walk around it unshod

This pain will stop
Surely, one day it will
And I'll bear the scars
That will remind me to be still

Will my questions be answered?
Please give me my rest
I'm getting too tired
I want my life zest

~ February 2017

SHE'S TIRED.

She said she was okay.
And you believed her?
Let me tell you what's wrong with her.
She's tired.
That's exactly what she is, tired.
She's tired of getting hurt.
She's tired of being let down.
She's tired of all the lies.
She's tired of holding it all in.
She's tired of feeling broken, damaged, worthless, never good enough, pain.
She tired of being judged for everything that she does.
She's tired of all her flaws and insecurities.
She's tired of trying.
She's tired of getting her hopes up.
She's tired of being treated like shit.
She's tired of being herself.
She's tired, want to know how I know all this?
Because she's me and I'm really tired.

Our Song

Our song played in the radio today
It somehow made me sway
Reminded me of our plays
All the happy days

I suddenly remember
Days my eyes would shed a tear
When a memory is stirred
How I wish I could disappear

I revisited some place
Hoping I could somehow erase
Your memory and trace
It was a hopeless case

And so I smiled today
Checked my heart, it's now okay
I no longer see gray
When our song played in the radio today

~ RTBR (031517)

Open Letter #1

I pray that someday I would understand what happened ~ what happened to us. Why you suddenly turned cold after allowing me to depend on the warmness of your presence. I woke up one day and knew something was wrong. Something was different. But I shrugged it off because you said you just need time. Time for you to recover from all the people you need to deal with.

I don't know what to call us. We are not lovers, that I am sure of. Best friends? I'm not even sure anymore. Right now I feel like it was one sided. But I cared. I deeply cared. To the point that I worry too much about you, I disregarded myself.

For months my world was all about you. You were my "good mornings" and "good nights". You were my spontaneous adventures. You were my endless conversation of ideas. Time with you was something I look forward to. I know you are broken. Shattered ~ is how you describe it. But I didn't see that. What I saw was something beautiful. Something worthy to be loved. I know from the start that I am not the one that could put you back together. But I prayed in my heart that I could help you pick up the pieces.

You trusted me and showed me something that you do not allow the world to see. You let me in to see that underneath the very strong facade are glass panels with cracks, shattered pieces on the floor ~ chaos everywhere. But there was warmth. This can be home. I thought my light would somehow shed some hope into your darkness. And just when I was getting cozy you suddenly threw me out and shut the door in my face. I thought I was welcome but I was not really given a key. So right now I'm sitting outside shivering from the cold. Scared. Lost. Damaged.

I think it's time to walk away. I need to save myself.

The teardrop runs down,
And fall of her nose,
She cries in dark corners,
Where nobody goes.

You can follow the tracks,
From her eyes to her chin,
Years upon years,
Of letting them win.

And her eyes tell a story,
Of anger and pain,
You think that she's happy,
But just look again.

And the scars of her past,
Hidden under her clothes,
Are a roadmap to places,
That nobody knows.

Her smile is now painted,
She's a master of disguise,
And you can see it all,
Just look into her eyes.

~Anon

Aalis muna ako. Sana masaya ka.

Aalis muna ako
Tatakasan sandali ang mundo
Magtatago pansamantala
Susubukan kong huminga

Tatahakin ang mahabang daan
Walang pakialam kung saan
Nais ko lang muna kalimutan
Kahit na panandalian

Sana kayang maghilom ng sugat
Lahat ng sakit ibubulong ko sa dagat
Ibabaon ko sa buhangin
Lahat ng alaala natin

Ipapatangay ko sa alon
Sa laot, doon ko itatapon
Mga pangako na binitawan
Sa huli ako pa din ay iniwanan

Dito sa ilalim ng buwan
Bituin nakatunghay sa kalangitan
Iluluha ko na ang lahat
Sa sarili ipapaalala ang dapat

Susubukan kong tumawa
Hahalakhak kasama ng iba
Kahit dinudurog ang puso ko
Kasi ikaw ang sigaw nito

Sana masaya ka
Yan ang dasal ko sa lumikha
Sana makabangon ako
Mahirap, pero kakayanin ko

~RTBR (03122017)