Open Letter #1

I pray that someday I would understand what happened ~ what happened to us. Why you suddenly turned cold after allowing me to depend on the warmness of your presence. I woke up one day and knew something was wrong. Something was different. But I shrugged it off because you said you just need time. Time for you to recover from all the people you need to deal with.

I don't know what to call us. We are not lovers, that I am sure of. Best friends? I'm not even sure anymore. Right now I feel like it was one sided. But I cared. I deeply cared. To the point that I worry too much about you, I disregarded myself.

For months my world was all about you. You were my "good mornings" and "good nights". You were my spontaneous adventures. You were my endless conversation of ideas. Time with you was something I look forward to. I know you are broken. Shattered ~ is how you describe it. But I didn't see that. What I saw was something beautiful. Something worthy to be loved. I know from the start that I am not the one that could put you back together. But I prayed in my heart that I could help you pick up the pieces.

You trusted me and showed me something that you do not allow the world to see. You let me in to see that underneath the very strong facade are glass panels with cracks, shattered pieces on the floor ~ chaos everywhere. But there was warmth. This can be home. I thought my light would somehow shed some hope into your darkness. And just when I was getting cozy you suddenly threw me out and shut the door in my face. I thought I was welcome but I was not really given a key. So right now I'm sitting outside shivering from the cold. Scared. Lost. Damaged.

I think it's time to walk away. I need to save myself.